My Journey to Become a Mom

I never thought it would be me, I was acutely aware of getting older and still being single, but I had been hopeful every year, this is my year, I will meet someone, I will have a baby, I will get to be a mom. And then it all came crashing down, when I saw my CT scan. I just knew. I cried more ugly tears, felt more heart break, loss, devastation, failure than I could ever imagine.  I was at my lowest,  there aren't really words to express how bad I felt. There are some times still I just cry, I cry because I don't get to be pregnant, I cry because I don't get to experience a baby inside my body, I don't get to experience labor and birth. I see other people with their new babies and I am jealous, and that is an emotion I don't like at all in myself, which starts a cycle of beating myself up. Many of my friends have experienced infertility, and for every one of them I  have known  about I have cried for them. I don't know if it's because I have many friends...

On Monday I had a Face Time call with the agency, the meeting took about an hour. They discussed the process, learned about me, and used this to help determine if they think I am a good fit for the agency. She showed me about  the profile they create for you looks like. I was really nervous, the person I spoke with was great. This agency has five criteria they have you set, and the mother sets some as well. The first criteria is race, second criteria is gender, third is post placement communication, this means closed, open or semi-open adoption, the fourth criteria is expectant mother support, and the fifth criteria is drugs/alcohol. I don't have a preference in the first three categories. The fourth category is expectant mother support in the third trimester, some examples of this include paying expectant mother rent, utilities, and groceries. The agency has an average amount that is given, do I worry that if I give this money to the expectant mother I will be worried she won...

Let me be clear, I am just beginning the process, and by no means am I an adoption expert! I don't know how much to write or how much to share, I am a very transparent person and will probably overshare from time to time.  As soon as I found out I needed a hysterectomy, I switched gears and started towards adoption, I have always wanted to be a mom.  I reached out to a friend my friend Charity, to find out what agency she used. I began diving into the deep reaches of the internet on adoption. A lot of my coworkers suggested I get in touch with Jill, a former ER nurse who also adopted, also a cousin of my friend Bridget.  I reached out and started researching the agencies that were recommended to me.  I always thought I would do foster care when my kids were older (when I still thought I could have kids) I know a couple of people who had foster babies from when they were a couple of days old until around age three, and after age three the kids went back to bio pa...